Rita Pierson, a legendary educator, once said, “Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like.” And she was right. But here’s the catch: being liked by students doesn’t mean being their best friend or the “fun teacher” who lets them do whatever they want. It means being the kind of adult students trust, respect, and feel safe learning from.
In education, we sometimes see “being liked” and “being respected” as two separate thoughts…as if teachers have to choose one. But the truth is, the best educators earn both. And when they do, student achievement skyrockets.
Being Liked Isn’t About Popularity
Let’s be honest, students are smart. They can spot inauthenticity a mile away. When we talk about being “liked,” it’s not about how funny your TikTok references are, or whether you’re the teacher who hands out candy on Fridays. Students like teachers who genuinely care about them. They like teachers who notice when they’re having a hard day, who celebrate their small wins, and who refuse to give up on them.
Being liked in this way builds connection. And connection is what opens the door to learning. A student who believes their teacher sees and values them will put in more effort, take more risks, and show up with more consistency.
Respect Isn’t Automatic…It’s Earned
This is where many new or younger educators struggle. They come into the classroom believing that respect comes with the title “teacher.” In theory, yes, children should respect adults. But in practice, today’s students don’t hand out respect like free samples. They expect to see it modeled, and they expect you to earn it.
Respect is earned by creating a classroom where students feel safe…safe to make mistakes, safe to share their ideas, safe to be themselves. It’s earned by setting boundaries and holding them consistently. It’s earned when students see that you will step in when another child is disruptive or unkind, because they know you’ll protect their right to learn.
Respect is not fear. It’s not compliance. Respect is when students trust that you mean what you say and that you’ll show up for them every single day with both firmness and fairness.
The Balance of Firm and Kind
The best classrooms aren’t ruled by fear or chaos; they live in the balance. Teachers who succeed here understand how to be firm without being harsh, and kind without being a pushover. They know that a raised eyebrow, a pause, or a quiet word can be more powerful than yelling. They know how to set high expectations and then walk alongside their students to meet them.
Students respect teachers who don’t bend the rules just to be liked. At the same time, they like teachers who deliver discipline with dignity and treat them as whole people. When you combine both, you get a classroom where students feel motivated, safe, and ready to learn.
The Role of School Leaders
This balance doesn’t stop at the classroom door. School leaders play a vital role in creating a culture where both liking and respecting educators is the norm. Leaders set the tone by modeling respect for staff, expecting consistency in classroom management, and celebrating teachers who build authentic student relationships.
When principals and administrators emphasize the importance of both connection and accountability, they give teachers permission to lead with heart and backbone. The result? A campus where mutual respect isn’t just talked about…it’s lived out daily.
Why This Matters for Achievement
At the end of the day, being liked and respected isn’t about ego, it’s about student success. When students like their teacher, they’re open to learning. When they respect their teacher, they’re willing to stretch and take risks. Put those together, and you have a classroom where engagement is higher, behavior issues are lower, and academic growth is real.
Every great teacher I’ve worked with understands this truth: students don’t just remember the content you teach, they remember how you made them feel while learning it. If they liked you, and they respected you, chances are they also learned from you.
My Final Thoughts
Educators don’t have to choose between being liked and being respected. The most impactful teachers know that one without the other falls short. Being liked without respect leads to chaos. Being respected without being liked leads to compliance without connection. But when you hold both, you create the conditions where real learning happens.
So, the challenge for all of us—teachers, principals, and leaders alike—is to build classrooms and campuses where relationships matter, respect is earned, and every student has the chance to thrive.
Cheri
If you enjoyed this week’s post or found it helpful, please share it with other educators who would benefit too! And if you’re ready to take the next step in your journey, learning more strategies to lead with impact and be the kind of educator who does hard better, I’d love to invite you into the UNCOMMON platform. Inside, you’ll find resources, strategies, and community support designed to help you thrive in today’s classrooms.